oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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