WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
