if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
