I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
