enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
