i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
