Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
