Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize