I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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