a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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