This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
