i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
