That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
