Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
