i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
