at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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