I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You're like the curious george of whores
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
