Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
someone owes me an orgasm
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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