Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
