Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
