Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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