No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
