I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
