Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
