Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
