I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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