Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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