he puts the penis in happiness.
This house was built for laser tag.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
