I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Are my feet made of real feet?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
