Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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