I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
