gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
soo... how was my night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
