I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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