someone get that fucking seahorse.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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