I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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