I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
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