I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
