My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
