so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
