It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
