He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm too high and old for this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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