Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
