Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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