I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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