I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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