so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
