I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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