The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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