i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
