the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There r osticjed everywhere
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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