Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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