thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
