shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
