If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
