and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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