one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
