Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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