hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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