She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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