I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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