I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
